marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I am one with the molecules
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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