It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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