I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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