Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
