just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
