I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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