She said her name was "party"
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
