those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
