My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
