Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
My sheets look like a crime scene.
so that wasnt chicken after all
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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