Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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