The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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