Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
