im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
