Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
