I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
