he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
