Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
