K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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