Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
