got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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