He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
