my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
