so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm way too hungover for life right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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