There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I need a beard to bite.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
