if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
