she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
