The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
