Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
