the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
