I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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