i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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