you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
