not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
