he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
