The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
