Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
