I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize