Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He has the fingertips of a God
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
