Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
