She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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