I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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