Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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