did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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