Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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