Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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