My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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