Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
