dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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