That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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