Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
