You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
