i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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