NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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