...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This is my gift to your gina
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
