margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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