In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize