I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
