Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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