Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
