I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
