don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
