i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
