I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
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