After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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