Pants 0. Shit 1.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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