She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
