Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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