I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
